NI stalking victim Vicky Clarke on her own real-life ‘Baby Reindeer’ experience

What begins as Donny offering her a cup of tea out of sympathy turns into a twisted and complex relationship where Martha slowly but surely brings destruction and chaos to his life as she stalks Donny, whom she calls ‘Baby Reindeer’, sending him thousands of voicemails and emails, turning up every day to his work, waiting outside his house and following him.

It’s a storyline North Down woman Vicky Clarke, 57, can sadly relate to as she was stalked following a five-month relationship in 2011.

"I could really identify with Baby Reindeer so much. It’s the first time I've seen something that actually was so close to the real thing. But it probably underplayed the terror in him (Donny). Watching the show enabled me to revisit my own experience. I hadn’t done that for a while, and for the first time, I’m now able to talk about it without that fear and panic.”

Vicky, who works in mental health, said that for stalking to exist, there has to be psychological fear.

"Any man or woman is capable of having that. Stalking happens to both men and women. The difference is that it’s more humiliating for men to admit or report to the police, I've been stalked by a woman. In other words, to say, I'm afraid of a woman. It’s the same with domestic violence.”

Vicky, who was separated with two children, said her own nightmare began when she tried to end a relationship with a man, whom she refers to as ‘Stalker’, but he wouldn’t accept it.

She said: "He started appearing at my places of work. He'd be going past my house all the time. He became insistent that we were meant to be together. Then things started to heat up when I reported him to the PSNI. He came round to my house, was throwing stones at my bedroom window at 2am, when my mum was in the house and my children were in bed. My brother saw him one time and he said to him, ‘please don't tell your sister. I'm not stalking her or anything’. He actually used that term.”

The man’s unwanted and sinister attention ramped up to the point where Vicky felt she had no choice but to move house, which she did on four occasions, she also changed her car, email addresses and telephone number numerous times.

“He once told me he was suicidal and try and tricked me into meeting him. He played on my empathy, and I fell for it in December 2011. The whole meeting was secretly recorded, and he gave it to the PSNI to rubbish my reports.”

The man also started to stalk her then partner for many years, and ex-husband, even her teenage daughter, and, in a chilling turn of events, even threatened to have Vicky killed.

She said: ‘‘His voice suddenly was behind me one night saying, ‘I could pay someone to have you shot’. “For years after, while I battled for a sense of safety and justice, any car that slowed alongside me on the A2, made me wonder ‘is this it?’. I literally lived on my nerves for many years. I used to carry a small miniature aerosol can when I was walking my dogs on the beach, so I could spray him in the face if he approached me. I used to keep a golf club at the top of my stairs to protect myself. I didn't know how far he was going to go because he was so fixated and obsessive.

“This aggravated him like Martha in the series, when his true character was being exposed. His reign of terror started to ramp up further. It was like I had no right to my life anymore, except to avoid and run from him if spotted, every day, in all that time. I also knew he kept an axe in his house, but didn’t chop logs, as I saw it. I also saw a drawer full of old phones. It occurred to me years later, that he was keeping them to terrorise other women, or had something to blackmail them with. His ultimate goal was to ruin my name and reputation, and my career in the town where I lived. He was doing everything he could to try and destroy my life as I was the only one who exposed him. The others reported him to the PSNI so I know I was one of many.”

Vicky was even forced to give up her self-employment.

”I went into full-time work to get away from all chance of contact from him, because he created many email accounts pretending to be a potential client, using pseudonyms.”

She added: “Because of the length of time it went on for, I became quite wary of what he might do next, or where he may pop up and how to protect myself. So I became quite good at surveillance myself. I had to watch where I was going and what I was doing. I learned to be two steps ahead, and to know what car he was driving (because he changed his cars every year).”

Vicky reported the man to the PSNI, but at the time there were no specific stalking laws in Northern Ireland and people who ended up in court on charges that would be commonly regarded as stalking behaviour, could only be charged under existing harassment or intimidation legislation.

The man was never convicted or prosecuted; and in a sickening twist, he tried to prosecute Vicky for stalking him.

Just as in Baby Reindeer, where Martha records Donny, so too did Vicky’s stalker, using a recording of a time he had tricked her into meet him at his house as ‘proof’ of her stalking.

He also accused her of trying to poison him. In 2014 she was in a restaurant for a meal with five friends and he claimed in a court affidavit, that she had called the waitress over and asked her to put poison in his food.

"He was eventually barred and stalked the restaurant for a year, when the waitress wouldn’t agree to witness for him. She eventually left her job. He also quoted in his court paper that I had people chasing and following him. He completely reversed the situation and claimed that I was the one was mental health issues.”

The stalker started court proceedings against Vicky in 2015, but she said it “backfired” on him. "The judge saw all the evidence I had, and five witnesses to verify my account. He had nothing on the day except hearsay friends.”

She went to the media with her story, doing a programme for BBC Spotlight.

“The PSNI missed lots of opportunities. They never followed their policies and procedures like they were meant to and because of that I was able to then campaign for stalking laws. I could highlight where they didn't do their job. I campaigned on the streets of Cornmarket (for stalking laws). It felt like I literally put my head in the mouth of a T- Rex – one jaw was him, but the other jaw was the actual PSNI, and I knew both could clamp at any minute, but I had no choice, I had no life anyway living in fear. The only way I could protect myself and my children was to campaign and go public”.

The man had to sign a letter of undertaking to stay away from Vicky, which she said “was worth nothing”. “His last attempt was in 2020 but I don’t see him anymore.”

But her campaigning for stalking laws did pay off, as new legislation was eventually introduced in April 2022, although she added, “I got the law changed, and I sat with the law makers in Stormont helping as much as I could, but I still never got justice”.

Vicky, who set up a website to help other victims of stalking, said she has moved on with her life.

“I just happened to be very, very unlucky. I met a serial, well-seasoned stalker who also was very good at evading the law. It's hard to believe it happened, and those ten years of hell will always be part of my life, but I really am in a good place with it now, knowing It was used it to help others”

If you or someone close to you is affected by stalking visit: www.stalkingni.com